Another Wasted Opportunity
I realized that I totally wasted my 20's. Had the technology been available in 1995, I could have outfitted myself with some sort type of uber-small video camera and captured all the things that I did and witnessed from 1995 to 2005. I could have made a movie of clips that could have generated millions in ticket sales. I could also write a book....based on a movie.
I drove out to Detroit Lakes on Monday to have a couple of beers at a friend's lake cabin and check out a band. Unfortunately, the city of Detroit Lakes has some new noise ordinance where the bands can no longer be outside late and it was moved inside. Not only was this lame, but the bar isn't that big for the entire crowd to be inside. Luckily there were some porta-potties and a bar set up outside for the crowd spilling out of the bar onto the beach.
My group had a table just inside the bar, but we were smart enough to use the outside bathrooms and get out beer from the outside bar. At one point in the night, I ran outside to use the porta-potty and this is where I wish I had video footage. This could possibly be the funniest alcohol related incident I have ever witnessed.
When I arrived, there were only 6 people in line to use the facilities. Four extremely intoxicated girls in their early 20's, myself and a guy we will refer to as "the dirty old man". Yes, I am NOT the dirty old man in this story...the other guy was the one with the mullet, cancer-tan and Hawaiian shirt with cut off sleaves that was open to his belly button. After a minute or so, one of the doors opened and two of the four girls made for the open toilet. I'll never figure out why women would go to the can together, but it baffles me even more why you'd want more than one person in a porta-potty. At any rate, after much giggling and stumbling it appeared that they had both made it inside. Another minute passed, and right as I was about to enter the next open toilet, I heard a scream followed by a horrendous commotion. Suddenly, the door on the porty-potty flew open and one of the girls tumbled out with her pants around her ankles and threw her beer in the air as she fell backwards. The beer flew into the porta-potty and hit the other girl square in the lap....as she hovered over the toilet seat. I don't think I can give the situation it's true humor, so I'll end it there.
I drove out to Detroit Lakes on Monday to have a couple of beers at a friend's lake cabin and check out a band. Unfortunately, the city of Detroit Lakes has some new noise ordinance where the bands can no longer be outside late and it was moved inside. Not only was this lame, but the bar isn't that big for the entire crowd to be inside. Luckily there were some porta-potties and a bar set up outside for the crowd spilling out of the bar onto the beach.
My group had a table just inside the bar, but we were smart enough to use the outside bathrooms and get out beer from the outside bar. At one point in the night, I ran outside to use the porta-potty and this is where I wish I had video footage. This could possibly be the funniest alcohol related incident I have ever witnessed.
When I arrived, there were only 6 people in line to use the facilities. Four extremely intoxicated girls in their early 20's, myself and a guy we will refer to as "the dirty old man". Yes, I am NOT the dirty old man in this story...the other guy was the one with the mullet, cancer-tan and Hawaiian shirt with cut off sleaves that was open to his belly button. After a minute or so, one of the doors opened and two of the four girls made for the open toilet. I'll never figure out why women would go to the can together, but it baffles me even more why you'd want more than one person in a porta-potty. At any rate, after much giggling and stumbling it appeared that they had both made it inside. Another minute passed, and right as I was about to enter the next open toilet, I heard a scream followed by a horrendous commotion. Suddenly, the door on the porty-potty flew open and one of the girls tumbled out with her pants around her ankles and threw her beer in the air as she fell backwards. The beer flew into the porta-potty and hit the other girl square in the lap....as she hovered over the toilet seat. I don't think I can give the situation it's true humor, so I'll end it there.
posted by Sweeney at
3:29 PM
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